Hello, Besties! I hope everything is going well in your neck of the woods. Since my last post, my life has been a bit chaotic, but I’m making it. Just like most people, you just push through these trying times. Take things one day at a time. With that being said, I’m happy to be back making posts again. Here is a question from Slate magazine. This question triggered me. I’ll start with that. This question involves the type of person I can’t stand. I cannot be around a person like this at all. They work my nerves in a way that is exhausting and infuriating. What type of person am I talking about? The Spoiled Brat! Ugh!

We have all experienced a person like this. In their heads, they are the center of the universe. Let’s get into this question. I want you to be triggered, too. It reads:

Me, my boyfriend (“John”), his older sister (“Katie”), and her boyfriend (“Tom”) are all between the ages of 28-31. Katie has always been an overly competitive big sister and jealous of John’s easygoing and likable nature. As an adult, Katie very much “has everything” but seems unhappy and overall insecure about her outwardly extremely successful life. I’ve worked hard to establish what I thought was a good relationship with Katie; she is not an easy person to get close to but it’s important to me that we at least feel comfortable around each other, and it would mean a lot to me if we could grow to be friends in the coming years.

In January, John and I made plans to get engaged on a meaningful trip in May. John clued his parents in, and that info made its way to Katie, and she is livid because in her mind John being engaged before her is…him winning? At life? Or something? Katie threw an astounding scene and made their mom call John and ask him to move our engagement months later so that Katie and Tom could have time to get a custom ring made, make an elaborate engagement plan, and propose before our trip, even though this is bad timing for them as Tom just started a new job, they just moved, and they’re about to get a puppy that will require a lot of work.

John was hurt that he would be asked this when everyone involved knew we had set-in-stone plans, and because our engagement is about us and has absolutely nothing to do with Katie. John informed his mom we are not changing our plans. But now John has been told he has to call Tom and tell him our exact plans down to the day to ensure Tom can get his act together at least a day before John proposes. This is so, so ridiculous to me. I have offered to delay any announcements outside of my close friends and family by a couple weeks if that would ease tensions, but apparently that’s not good enough.

I can’t emphasize enough how much we don’t care what Katie and Tom do, but I still can’t help but feel like no matter their outcome, I’m being set up for everything to revolve around Katie. I want to feel excited about my engagement but now I’m just dreading the tension that will come with planning a wedding around what may or may not hurt Katie’s feelings. Based on Katie’s personality, I knew there was a possibility of this happening all along, but I was not prepared for the level of drama going on right now. How can I find some peace of mind through all of this? I’m afraid the tension will come through when I talk to my friends and family about our plans, and I will seem like I’m not in fact excited to be marrying the love of my life. Should I try to have a heart-to-heart with Katie? I’m afraid it would go poorly.


Dear, LW:

I am triggered. Katie is a whole heffa. (I want to call her something else.) I’m trying to place myself in your shoes, but I get so angry that I stop. Katie is her parents’ creation. They reinforced this self-centered behavior. They created a monster, basically. Fortunately, you and your boyfriend don’t have to get swept up in the drama. I’m so glad your boyfriend is standing up to his family. This behavior from them is childish and ridiculous! The fact that they called you to see if you would change your engagement plans to appease Katie and her insecurities angers me. My first thought after reading this part was, “How dare you!” The parents are supposed to be the logical ones, the wise ones. Where is the wisdom in this mess?

Girl! Don’t waste your time trying to reason with Katie (or her parents). “Reasoning” is not a word in her vocabulary. Her parents are enablers, so count them out as well. If I were you, just go ahead with your original plans for your engagement. Don’t give out any details until after you’re engaged. Katie will just have to throw a tantrum and cry. *shrugs* I wouldn’t even care. She is too old to be acting like this. Plus, her inappropriate behavior is not your problem. It’s her issue. You and your man don’t even have to explain yourselves. You’re adults. You don’t engage in childish behavior.

Let me calm myself down, because I want to fight Katie. lol. Anyway, good luck to you, and congrats on getting engaged.

~Jana Leigh

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