This letter comes from Dear Prudence at Slate magazine. You can read the full post here.
My husband and I have been married for three years. I am about to turn 30, and we are discussing the possibility of having children, although we are both leaning no. I have never felt a maternal need for kids, though I would love to have a dog. I have friends with children and while I love playing the part of auntie, I am exhausted after spending a day with them. When I think about kids, I mostly think about the negatives: They are expensive, we won’t be able to travel, and I have a family history of mental illness and some other diseases I would hate to pass down. There is one thing that keeps me from saying “no,” and that is that I am afraid of being alone when I am old and can’t fend for myself. I see my grandmother and have no idea what she would do if it weren’t for my mother and her siblings. I recently visited my old nanny in a state-run nursing home and it left me with nightmares. Should we have a child to make sure someone is there to care for us? Should we look into the Hemlock Society? I should add that I am generally not a strong person and have told my husband many times I pray that I die before he does.
—Don’t Want to Die Alone
Dear Don’t Want to Die Alone:
That is a selfish reason to have a child. You have listed many different reasons you don’t want to have a child, and the only reason you DO want to have a child is because you want someone to take care of you. That’s not a good reason… at all. Kids needs a loving, nurturing environment, and I’m not confident that you could provide that at this time. Also, it is no guarantee that your kids will outlive you. My advice is to get the dog instead.
~Jana Leigh
Readers, is it just me or are people becoming more selfish these days?
**Photo credit: authentic-woman.com
Ask Jana Leigh 
Oh Dear. Thank you for being honest and not fluffing up the answer to her question. True honesty has made society weak.
To answer your question, yes people are selfish. All people. I count the days until my preschooler is old enough to push a lawn mower. I love my son and he is quite smothered by Mommy and it’s surely not WHY we had kids.
I think it is the mark of maturity that people recognize that they don’t want children. I wish more people would realize that maybe it’s not the best idea for their lifestyle. And then there is this person, who needs some reassurance that she INDEED does not need to have children. I’m happy she asked.
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I agree. The answer is right in front of her. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children.
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Sorry I meant to say “The lack of true honesty has made society weak.”
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interesting point of view the author of this post shared. in my opinion, having a kid does not guarantee they will be there when we are old to care for us.
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Yes… Or that they would even want to when the time comes.
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yes, totally agree with you.
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Definitely agree with you, that’s the worst possible reason to have a child. I can’t imagine how she’d raise a child with the sole intent of having them care for her in her old age, but I can imagine the end result would be the child refusing to even talk to her out of resentment, and she’d end up dying alone anyway.
You’re absolutely right on another note, people are WAY more self-centered and inconsiderate these days. But I guess that’s what happens when kids raise kids, who then “grow up” to raise more kids. And speaking of that, this generation of helicopter-parented kids are at prime child-bearing age now. Lord help us all.
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Preach, Sis.
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Truly. Children will take more than they give for the first 23 years or so and if you’re not up for both the challenge and blessing, don’t have them. What if she has a child that is disabled and can’t take care of her?
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Exactly! This is just a horrible plan. She needs to just get a dog.
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