I found a very interesting article on Elite Daily, which you can read the full article here. It explains why being single for a while is beneficial. Now that I’ve been single for quite some time, I completely understand the benefits of being single. To be honest, I kinda like being single now. Anyway, here are the highlights of the article:
You need to get to know yourself.
We spend so much time putting on facades for others. We pretend to be people we’re not. And when we try too hard to fit in, we lose ourselves — often without realizing it.
We all change with time, but we don’t always grow with time. Sometimes we take a couple of steps backward; we regress and turn into our younger, more immature selves.
It happens. It’s okay. The day is not yet over, and you can choose to get yourself back on track.
Once you take some time to be alone and explore who you are — keeping in mind the person you want to be — you’ll get to know yourself again.
You’ll come to realize what’s most important to you. You’ll also learn what’s trivial and disposable in your life.
Don’t expect this to be easy. I know it may sound easy, but it’s more difficult than you’d think. Old habits often refuse to die, and being alone is the only way to get enough breathing room to do what needs to be done.
You need to be okay with being alone. You have to accept that you are enough.
I understand you want someone in your life. I understand you don’t want to feel alone.
I don’t either, and neither does anyone walking this planet.
But you should be happy when you’re by yourself. Your happiness, focus and hunger for life can’t depend on somebody else. I understand that, on some level, this is impossible; most of us gain happiness from having a partner. But you can’t allow someone’s absence to define your life.
You can’t look at a life with someone else as better than your life now. Because if that life is better, then the one you’re living now must be worse. Right?
But it’s not. It isn’t a bad life. It’s simply different, and you need to learn to be okay with something different.
Too many people use relationships like Band-Aids, but the blood always seeps through.
We’re all a bit bruised, a bit scarred and jaded. Some days are certainly going to be darker. But at the end of the day, your happiness is truly a choice. And a relationship isn’t going to “fix” you.
You choose how you perceive the world. If you realize this and continue to see the world the way you do now, that’s on you. But if you force yourself to change, you can. (Keep in mind: I said “force”!)
If you change your reality, you’ll be happy with your life. You’ll be happy with yourself and how you can control your life. And you’ll have something that too many of us lose — hope.
Getting into a relationship before you’re emotionally and mentally prepared reduces the chances it will work out.
The longer you’re single — the longer you pause to understand yourself and to create your life with your mind’s paintbrush — the more likely your next relationship will be the last one you’ll ever need.
Don’t feel bad if these hit home. I was this way in my 20’s. I jumped from one relationship to another. I did not want to be single. It’s something about hitting 30 though that wakes you up. You get tired of the bullsh*t. Now, I’m happy to be single.
Anyway, have a great Monday.
**Photo credit: arabiaweddings.com
I agree. I’ve been single almost 3 years.
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Girl… I got you beat. I’ve been single for about 5 years.
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LOL. It may end up being that long for me too, but I’m cool with it
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I am too. I’m focused on other things right now. Dating would be a distraction.
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I get this,totally. I have been single about 5 years too. And boy am I learning a lot…and I’m still learning!
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Yes. When you step back from dating for a while, you learn so much about yourself.
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These totally hit home. I was boyfriend desperate wayyyy back when I was a teen (thanks to loads of issues stemming from abuse) and ended up going out with any guy that asked regardless of my feelings towards them. None of these relationships ever lasted more than a week, two weeks tops, because I quickly realized I had ZERO romantic feelings towards them and cut it off before I could unintentionally lead them on any further. I was so messed up I had no real understanding of relationships. All I wanted was validation of my worth. Then, I ended up dating a guy I’d actually HAD a crush on, only for him to break up with me a couple of weeks in. Talk about karma.
In between that relationship and the current one with my fiancé, I spent about 7 years single. I was able to, in that time, make a few discoveries about myself and the issues that I have. But I also had an idea finally of the kind of relationship I was looking for and what I expected in a man.
I definitely had crushes in those seven years, though nothing ever panned out beyond casual flings. I think it was slightly more than coincidence that I met my fiancé less than a week after being rejected by a guy that I had a serious crush on (and was actually lead on for a few weeks too, that sucked). But the biggest lessons I ever learned being single was 1) how to not need a man to be happy, and 2) that it’s better to wait for the right one to come to you, rather than you seeking him out 🙂
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Amen to that, Sis.
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Self-love, amour-propre—this comes first. When it doesn’t, when all the cliches about “filling a void” and such are in play, it’s just a matter of time..and time doesn’t care how long that takes, but it will..as a matter of course.
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