Is there a kind way to break up?: It’s crystallized for me: I need to break up with my girlfriend of nearly four years. She wants marriage. I kept thinking that we could make it all work if we negotiated a few issues. But I’ve run out of patience and decided that I’m not willing to give up intercourse for the rest of my life. We tried early in the relationship, but she found it too painful, decided not to take her doctor’s advice, and now cannot be touched below the waist, etc. I was thinking about offering couples therapy, but I really don’t think this is fixable, and I’m not sure I should try. How can I break up with kindness and a minimum of pain for her?

Dear Prudence from 1/20/2016

You two have been together for four years.  She is expecting marriage.  She will not take this well.  The best thing to do is be honest with her.  If you don’t want to be with her anymore, then you have to tell her. Don’t drag this out with couples therapy when you know you don’t want to be there.  She deserves the truth.  Your girlfriend will be hurt and devastated, especially since she expects to walk down the aisle with you.

Sex is a lot to give up. Some people can do it, but I’m not that strong. lol The two of you are just not compatible.  You want different things.  It happens. That’s life. There have been so many times I have dated guys and think, “If he would just change this one thing, we could make it work.” **sighs** You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do. She seems to be adamant about not taking the doctor’s advice.  That’s her choice to make.  It’s her body.

So… Be honest and up front.  Don’t give her false hope.  Don’t accuse her of being the reason for the break up.  You two just want different things at this point in time. Please!! Don’t do it over the phone or a letter.

~Jana Leigh

Readers, do you think couples therapy would work?  Can this relationship be fixed?

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