Dear Jana,

I’m 23 and have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half. I love her very much and I’m 100% faithful to her.  Lately, she’s been asking to have a threesome with another guy.  We’ve joked around about having threesomes before.  I never took the jokes seriously.  I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it though, but I’m worried that our relationship wouldn’t last after a threesome.  I’d love to try it (with a woman, not a man), but I don’t want to lose her.  What should I do?  –John

Well, John, you are right to be concerned about relationship.  You’ve only been together for a little over a year.  That’s not very long.  This make me question whether she is happy in the relationship.  If your relationship is not stable, a threesome will tear it apart.  You’ll second guess yourself afterwards and wonder if she likes the other guy (or girl) better than you.  Those types of thoughts will start a snowball effect and will grow into feelings of resentment.  I’m sure you don’t want that.

If you feel your relationship can handle a threesome, I would set some rules/boundaries first.  Keep in mind that a threesome is an opportunity to explore and try things you never tried before.  However, make sure that your girlfriend knows what you are not comfortable with, such as being with a man as you stated in your question.  Let this also be known to the person you choose to have the threesome with.  Also, ask the other person what they like to do or don’t like.  Maybe they have tried something that you have never thought of.  Don’t be afraid to discuss what you would like to try.  Boundaries are very important.  They can make or break the experience.

If you would like to read more about rules of threesomes read this article from

John don’t take this lightly.  Really think about this and discuss this with your girlfriend.