my problem is a bit complicated. I have been married for five years, unhappily, but I do have three beautiful children with my husband. My problem is that I am in love with another man, a friend I’ve known since before my husband and I even got together. Problem is, he’s married too. I have cheated on my husband with this man one time before, and I don’t regret it because my husband is always talking online trying to find other people to have relations with. I love this other man with all my heart, and although I am unhappy, I love my husband too. My husband just plays video games all day and neglects the children and myself. I know this other man is a good father, but as I said, I am married. We were high school sweetheart, but we just went down separate paths. Recently this other guy said that he is in love with me, the first time he’s ever said that in the many years that we’ve fooled around. My sister says he’s just playing me, but I really do think he loves me. The problem really is that we both love each other, but we aren’t ready to leave our spouses just yet because we don’t want to hurt them. Should I cut this other guy off, stay friends with him, or try to pursue him romantically?
You can read the full post here at Strawberry Letters archive.
“Oh what a web we weave….” You have been married for five unhappy years and produced three kids. My first question is “If you were unhappy, why are you still married?” You knew you were unhappy but did nothing to fix it. Plus, you kept having kids with him. If I don’t like someone, I’m definitely not having sex with him. Ok. Let’s move on.
You said you cheated on your husband with your high school sweetheart, who is also married. Let’s think about this. You’re already unhappily married and won’t leave him. That’s the first issue. Now you’re cheating on your husband with an ex! Why? You’re adding more problems on top on problems you already have. Then you go on to say that you love your husband, who neglects you AND the kids to play video games. What??? You love someone who ignores you and your kids. Makes no sense. The Ex is also married, so you’re adding onto his problems with his wife.
I’m just going to lay it out for you. Complicated, you’re escaping from your problems. You have a crappy marriage, so you’re escaping it to live in this fantasy where you and your Ex ride off into the sunset. That will never work. Your husband is obviously unhappy and has disconnected. I’m not sure if marriage counseling can bring him back. At least try it before you tear the family apart. Think of your children! They are already being ignored by their dad, what do you think a divorce would do to them?
For heaven’s sake, end things with your ex! He is NOT in love with you. He is also escaping from his crappy marriage. If he loved you, he would leave his wife to be with you. Instead, he chooses to go behind her back to see you. Hmmm… sound familiar? That is what you are also doing to your husband. Furthermore, if you two did decide to leave your spouses and get together, could you trust him? Could he trust you? I wouldn’t trust you because when things get hard you bail out. That is not what marriage is. When things get hard, you confront them and try to work on them. Look how easily your Ex tossed his wife aside to spend time with you. He could easily do that TO you also. This is just a mess. One bad decision after another.
Find a Marriage and Family Counselor in your area and start down the right path. Good luck to you and your family.
If you like this post rate, comment, and share. If there is a question, you’d like for me to answer, send to AskJanaLeigh@yahoo.com. Thanks so much for reading my blog. ~Peace~
Is this a relationship advice site? Thank you for liking my comment I left on the What Are You Blogging Today? post. Nice to meet you.
Yes. It is. Thanks for checking it out. Nice to meet you too, Janice.
I just started blogging a few months ago, so I’m still learning. That’s why I love your blog. It’s very helpful.
I was unhappily married and been trying hard to leave him but it wasnt easy to tell him its over
one day I met my high school sweetheart that I love soo much and never stopped loving till he got married..when I saw him after 20 years of separation I felt like starting over again with him and he felt the same too.we discussed our feelings and to an agreement of leaving our partners so we cam be together again..yes our first mistake was thinking of having a baby before divorce….(still a thought)
I decided to sit my hubby down and explained that I can’t be with him anymore not because I found someone new cause I wasn’t happy in our marriage and was never happy..when we were still dating with hubby he could see that I want oit if the relationship and trapped me with pregnancy.he knew I wasn’t on contraceptives and decided not to use a condom I dont know how..when I found about my pregnancy felt like dying but didn’t have a choice cause I really didn’t have morals of terminating the pregnancy..when my daughter was 2 thats when I felt it was the best to leave the relationship as I was never happy and regret a lot of things by being with my hubby…
back to my high school sweet heart he knew I was not happy and I thought I knew he wasn’t happy too..first time I had sex with my HS he desperately wanted a baby with me which I felt it was too soon for I took the morning after pill and kept it a secret.. second time after almost a year reconnected I took a morning after pill but after 3 days I felt pregnant already.when I told him he did not sound happy about it..after 3 weeks the doctor confirmed I was preggy I sent the results on phone and regret to have told him.sometimes I feel it could be better if he didn’t know about it..he told me yo terminate the pregnancy as he had a lot on plate to deal with and his wife was already 6 months preggy too..so I need to understand and terminate for now..then we can start over later not at that time.
BOOM I was left with pregnancy..humiliation and some explanation to my family and friends cause people do ask about the father of the baby..I lied and told everyone the father of the baby left the country due to his career and wanted me to come with but I refused..
he left me when I was 3 weeks preggy and today the baby is 3 weeks old and never heard from him..when the baby was born I sent him a massage to thank him for providing me with a beautiful daughter and giving me an opportunity of being a dad and mom to her..GUESS WHAT he blocked me on WhatsApp..
Be careful of people from the past…I love him soo much and understand we will never be together in life ever..im ready to raise both my kids alone..im an independent woman and even used to do things on my own trained by my ex hubby who never even bought me a sweet..good reason we not together any longer..
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I’m sorry you were treated that way. I bet this has made you a stronger and wiser person.